“Don’t write about me in your blog!” - Matt

I remember it well.  It was the summer of 2010, and we were standing on a random street corner in Manhattan.  Matt had just looked at a studio apartment for himself, and it was ugly, outdated, and the size of the inside of my car.  Upon realizing this would not be his dream home, we had “the talk.”  Should we move in together?  We’d been dating two years at this point; was that long enough?  Were we ready?  Sure, we’re both laid back, get along well, but…let’s face it, I’m a real pleasure to deal with on most days, but I have my moments.  

We did decide that summer to take the proverbial plunge into cohabitation, and found a nice one bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  It didn’t take long after we moved in to really get to know my new “roommate” and his unusual habits.

DUFFEL BAGS.  Once all our stuff was moved in, I took notice of the unusually large number of duffel bags that Matt had.  There were different sizes and shapes with various pockets and functions.  I think he had about 11.  What the hell is this about?  I have a gym bag, and I have an overnight bag (handbags excluded- but that’s different).  That’s all you need, really, isn’t it?  Even now, almost two years later, Matt is still ordering new bags and then attempts to explain each one’s purpose to me.  ”See, THIS one is my gym bag for when I have to carry a water bottle - but on days I DON’T need a water bottle, I use this one.”  The weird duffel fetish was the first thing that I was perplexed by, until I saw the…

LINT ROLLERS.  Listen, when it comes to personal style and hygiene, Matt’s one of the cleanest and neatest there is.  Clothes won’t have a trace of a wrinkle on them, a hair on his head won’t be out of place, and his white sneakers will be as white as Casper’s ass on any given day.  So naturally a person like this would have a strong opposition to lint on their clothes, and would purchase a lint roller to solve this issue.  So, why, I ask…does Matt have this many?

There are about 10 in this drawer, and a few on the loose throughout the apartment.  Have you ever seen this in your life?  Have you ever met a person who hoards travel bags and lint rollers?  Now you have.

Now comes the sensitive subject.  I can honestly say Matt and I never “fight,” we actually have yet to have a blowout argument or disagreement that leaves us giving each other the silent treatment.  HOWEVER, if there was going to be a topic that was going to cause an altercation, it was going to be the TURNTABLES.  Some of you know about this situation and are laughing to yourselves because you have heard a LOT about this dreaded device.  I always knew Matt owned them, but didn’t put much thought into the fact that they, too, would be joining us to live in the new apartment.  I had to stand my ground!  Ladies, you understand!  Industrial-looking, metal turntables have no place with my motif in the living room!  Matt, are you going to be spinning on the wheels of steel while I’m eating breakfast?  I’m sorry, Samantha Ronson, but these have to go.  He wasn’t happy about it (and still brings it up OFTEN) but I had to make a request to the DJ that these go under the bed.  Indefinitely.

Not happening.

My next observation is about laundry time, and how differently we handle this chore.  

HOW I DO LAUNDRY:  bring clothes to laundry room.  put clothes in washer.  40 minutes later, put clothes in dryer.  anything NOT going in the dryer comes back to the apartment and goes on a drying rack.  one hour later, get clothes from dryer.  fold everything & put away.

HOW MATT DOES LAUNDRY:  waits too long to do laundry, so there are now 900 clothing articles to wash. bring clothes to laundry room.  put clothes in washer.  40 minutes later, put clothes in dryer.  anything NOT going in the dryer comes back to the apartment and gets hung on the back of random chairs, stools, tables, etc.  one hour later, get clothes from dryer.  leaves all clothes in laundry bag in the middle of the living room until following week.  nagging girlfriend asks every day when he is going to fold & put away. 

I love to tease Matt about this stuff, and he’s a good sport.  Truthfully, as a boyfriend and roommate, it doesn’t get much better than him.  He cleans, he cooks, and is respectful to my craziness.  I wonder if my mom had to have a talk with him before we moved in together…”listen, just don’t look at her in the morning, she doesn’t like that.”

I’m fully aware that I’m no gem either — I have OCD, put cups in the dishwasher even when Matt’s not finished with them (“hey!  I’m still using that!”), use way too many decorative pillows and things that are meant for show and have no purpose whatsoever, and my disgusting newly shed hair is EVERYWHERE.  But that’s perfect, because we have 863 lint rollers to get rid of it.